It can be exciting and frustrating to get to know someone who is potential boyfriend or girlfriend material. You like learning more about one another’s personalities. However, there is a tremendous lot of uncertainty as well. You fear that you’ll say or do anything that will make you appear to be a big oddball. There are strategies to reduce the chances of saying or doing anything that destroys the relationship before it has ever started, though. Here are 11 things you should never do in the beginning of a relationship.
1. Being overly dependent or attached
It makes sense to want to spend as much time as you can with someone when a relationship first starts. Most likely, both parties feel the same. However, if he or she chooses to go to their book group as they do every Tuesday night or go out for coffee with a friend without you accompanying them, resist the want to feel envious or angry. As your bond strengthens, they will be more open to involving you in their larger social circle and introducing you to their closest friends. It’s crucial that both of you maintain separate lifestyles from your partnership at the same time.
2. Moving too soon to make joint plans for the future
There is an unavoidable sense of elation and excitement when you move from going on dates to being treated like an item. They are just incredible! In fact, you find their obnoxious little peculiarities endearing. Possibly, he or she is the one. Because of this style of thinking, some people attempt to plan too far in advance, which is a horrible mistake. It is definitely too soon to talk about moving in together if you have just been dating for a few weeks or even months. Also a big no-no at this point is implying a wedding. Simply appreciate the connection and exercise patience. There is no reason to hurry.
Also read: 6 Ways To Bounce Back After A Breakup
3. Compared to your ex-partners
You’re sending two really negative messages if you compare your boyfriend or girlfriend to past companions. First of all, if you’re speaking well about your ex, it suggests to them that you might still be in love with them. Second, even if you believe you are praising them for being so much better than Jake or Jennifer ever were, it places unneeded pressure on them to live up to your expectations.
4. Demanding they follow all of your standards
While it goes without saying that a partnership should be based on compatibility and common interests, flexibility is also necessary. Don’t act like a human resource manager while you go on dates and get to know them. Don’t obsess and take mental notes about what they like to eat, what sports they like, or how much partying they can handle. Accept them for who they are, and decide whether a committed relationship is possible based on that.
5. Ignoring the obvious warning signs
While you can’t expect a partner to be flawless in every manner, you also run the risk of accepting all of their imperfections in the hopes that they would improve with time or in an effort to convince yourself that they aren’t that bad since you find them so physically alluring. There’s a very good chance that the relationship won’t last if you notice that they have characteristics that would be challenging to deal with, such as being highly confrontational, making questionable decisions that have gotten them into trouble, or having deeply held political or religious beliefs that align in ways that would constantly lead to conflict.
6. Attending their place of employment
Making a meal or sending flowers (or even better, tickets to the Super Bowl!) as a surprise for a new boyfriend or girlfriend is a sweet gesture. But visiting them at work early on in a relationship, particularly if they haven’t even told their coworkers about you, can be awkward and, to be perfectly honest, creepy. Let them build up your reputation for a few months before you make an entrance.
7. Giving them a loan of money
It’s not a good sign for the future of the relationship if you’ve only been dating a short time and they start asking you to lend them money. To begin with, it is a dead giveaway that they aren’t very good with money. Second, it conveys that they consider you disposable, which is bad when your relationship is just getting started.
8. Concentrating mostly on the intimacy of the connection
You’ll be making out a lot in the beginning of the relationship, possibly even more. However, you shouldn’t ignore the other factors, such as emotional compatibility. The friendship will be strengthened by discovering shared interests and being prepared to listen to them when they’re having a tough day.
9. Use of the L-word
Everyone chooses when they fall in love with their spouse at their own speed, but you shouldn’t declare your love for someone unless you are certain that they feel the same way. If you don’t, your partner can feel bad about not being able to give a sincere, reciprocal response. Some people might need three months, while others might need six months, to eventually utter these words.
10. Telling your entire family about them
Asking your new partner to meet up with a sibling for lunch or drinks is fine, but if you’ve just been dating for a few weeks and you’re already inviting them to your grandmother’s 80th birthday party, that’s a highly dubious move. Before making that leap, give yourself plenty of time to get to know one another. The last thing you want is for your family to predict the future of your relationship before you do!
11. Pretending to be someone you’re not
The urge to appear cooler than you actually are when you’re meeting someone who could become your girlfriend or boyfriend is strong. In the long run, though, it is impossible to maintain this conduct. It’s best to just be yourself; if they don’t like you for who you are, you can just move on and hope that they will someday love you for who you are.