Love and Sex

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ethical Non-Monogamy

Although ethical non-monogamy has become more prevalent in the modern dating scene, it is still very unclear exactly what it entails. Many people who are interested in consensual non-monogamy and those who are actively thinking about giving it a try still have just a hazy understanding of the fundamental ideas.

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While the ability to interact and be affectionate with a variety of people is a fundamental premise, these partnerships are successful for a variety of reasons. In order to answer all of your questions about ENM, including how to be open in a relationship while ensuring that everyone feels safe and loved, let’s chart the course for everything you’ve ever wanted to know about ENM.

What does moral non-monogamy entail?

Non-monogamy is, in its simplest form, any relationship involving more than two individuals in which a third or independent connection is permitted. However, ethics is a crucial qualification that aids in differentiating dynamics for the people involved.

According to Dr. Dulcinea Pitagora, a psychotherapist and sex therapist in New York City, “Ethically non-monogamic relationships are ones in which all parties involved have willingly accepted to non-monogamy, without feeling coerced into it,”

What varieties of moral non-monogamy are there?

Different types of ENM exist, and each one will have its own structures and agreements. Consider it a catch-all phrase for all the permissible ways you can explore love and sex with a variety of individuals. If someone claims to be non-monogamous, you should gently inquire as to what that entails rather than assuming you know what it implies.

Is a morally non-monogamous relationship the same as an open one? is one of the most frequently asked questions. Hannah, a polyamorous person who lives in a Brooklyn flat with their primary and secondary partners, says, “It all depends on what the participants rules are.” “ENM signifies that you are in some way ‘opening up’ your connection.

Common misunderstandings

It’s difficult to understand how someone may be intimate with one person while while having healthy, pleasant relationships with others. Let’s speak about what ENM is not in order to break down some taboos. It’s not a justification for men to act out and have sex with women. It’s not necessarily anything that causes distrust or stirs up jealousy. And if everyone is committing to one another and to the relationship, it is unquestionably not infidelity. In fact,

Does voluntary non-monogamy function for all people?

Because you have to talk so often to make sure everyone involved feels safe, special, and loved, people in ENM relationships tend to have enhanced communication skills, a sophisticated grasp of boundaries, and a ton of empathy. McPherson advises that, “at least for the first few years,” you should plan to put twice as much effort into your relationship and communication as you ever did.

Remember that you won’t understand it immediately. When your primary partner stops giving you their undivided attention at first, there can be some jealousy feelings, but you can always ask for reassurance when you need it. As long as expectations are set, the availability of love shouldn’t diminish as more people are added.

A successful ENM relies on communication.

Are you currently in a monogamous relationship and considering doing so? Everyone agrees that maintaining regular communication is a key strategy for successful ENM interactions.

It takes a lot of practice to have the guts to speak your mind! But boundaries are designed to keep you safe, so it’s preferable to establish them up front rather than wait until something actually occurs to think of a solution.

You should probably establish rules regarding the following (but keep in mind that these guidelines may alter as your relationship develops):

How long do you want to start dating?

Dr. Pitagora says, “Once these criteria are established, I advise routine check-ins at whatever frequency everyone concerned finds appropriate, even if the check-sole in’s purpose is to validate the status quo. The harder conversations are simpler to conduct when there is already a communication routine in place.

Although ENM can include open partnerships, the occasional threesome, and everything in between, its primary purpose is to increase the range of potential partners with whom you can share intimate moments. Take what will benefit your connection and leave what won’t while establishing conditions.

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