The hardest thing you’ll ever have to do will probably be to deal with your spouse’s affair. Trying to move on from something so horrible while carrying the burden of the affair on your shoulders and in the back of your mind is difficult. I am aware.
Why am I getting this treatment now?
I’ll answer it for you: You didn’t do anything improper. Nothing excuses your spouse’s extramarital affair. Your husband made the decision to have an affair, and you are not at fault. I had a pretty difficult time understanding this. I kept telling myself, “If I’d done this” or “If I’d done that,” maybe he wouldn’t have felt the need to look for someone else to be affectionate with. The truth is that there was nothing I could have done to stop my husband from having an affair. You and I both did not deserve it.
What further lies did he tell me?
I’m still having trouble with this one, for sure. After your spouse has exposed your entire marriage and relationship in this manner, it is difficult to believe anything they have said. Trust is one of those things that is very difficult to regain once lost, so you’ll have to trust yourself to recognize when someone is lying and to follow your instincts when anything seems “wrong.”
There’s really no need to bring up the fact that he has in the past lied about other things, even if he has. You must put a lot of effort into overcoming the affair if you want to save your marriage, and you must refrain from bringing up any other issues that can further damage it. (Except if the other lies are connected to the relationship. I really believe that you should be aware of every aspect of the issue; the more information you have, the less you’ll learn later.)
So that they can experience what I’m experiencing, I want to have an affair.
I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t thought about having an affair recently, despite the fact that I’d never let myself carry one out. Nothing else can ever compare to the sorrow you experience after discovering that your spouse has betrayed you by having an affair. My current suffering is the worst I’ve ever experienced, and having an affair won’t make it any better.
If anything, it will only cause your marriage extra stress, which is something you should absolutely avoid if you want to make your marriage work. Right now, your marriage is in a very precarious situation.
Is it worth saving my marriage?
Should we simply file for divorce? While every circumstance is unique, some marriages are worth trying to save. But take your time making this choice. Spend some time considering things. If your spouse is attempting to pressure you into making a decision, you should let them know how sad and unhappy this affair has made you feel and request that they hold off on making any decisions until you have had time to digest everything and decide what is best for you.
When it comes to an affair, this is one of the most difficult questions to respond to. Today’s high divorce rate is primarily due to unfaithful spouses, and for good reason. Affair recovery is quite difficult. My thoughts have gone back and forth nonstop from “I want to work this out” to “I simply can’t bear to do this anymore” in the past 24 hours alone. If this also applies to you, don’t worry. You’ll understand it. Simply put, it will take time.
What is ideal for my children?
If you have children, this situation is even more upsetting because you now have to care about your little ones as well. This makes it even harder to decide whether to stay together or get a divorce. I believe there are a few factors you should think about while making this choice.
Do I want to stay, despite my unhappiness, for the kids?
If we simply stayed together for the kids, would my spouse and I be fighting all the time?
If so, would I want my kids to witness our constant fighting?
Would happier, divorced parents be better for my kids?
Do my children actually benefit from our current marriage?
Is it possible for me to ever forgive them?
Your marriage’s ability to endure this affair will ultimately depend on the answer to this question. Even if it’s difficult, you must forgive your partner if you want to save your marriage and get back together. The first step to saving your marriage is forgiveness. I’m not suggesting that you ignore what happened since you will always remember it. You will have to carry this incident with you for the rest of your life.
If the damaged trust can ever be repaired, it will require a great deal of work. However, you’re not required to forget it to provide forgiveness. It’s acceptable when an affair is simply unforgivable. Sometimes the hurt brought on by the affair is so severe that forgiving is simply not an option. But if that’s the case, you must have the guts to tell your spouse the truth and not play tricks on them. Stringing them along will simply intensify their suffering and make the divorce process even more difficult.
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