Understanding how to handle a partner’s sexual fetish might be challenging. No matter how prevalent a problem it might be behind closed doors, we aren’t really taught how to manage situations like this.
Maybe we’d be more prepared if, theoretically, we had studied Intimate Relationship Skills 101: How to Deal With Your Partner’s Sexual Fetish in high school. Here are five ways to deal with your partner’s obscene fetish, whether it involves him dressing as a woman (cross-dressing), whipping you with a leather riding crop for acting like a bad school girl (BDSM and role play), watching you cry (dacryphilia), peeing on him (urophilia), or making you laugh at his manhood by telling him he has a micropenis (humiliation).
1. Recognize that ‘natural’ sexuality does not exist.
Through media messages, society instructs us about what constitutes normal and acceptable sexual activity. The norm, however, is non-normative sexuality! Everyone has varied and individual tastes when it comes to what they find alluring and sensual. Don’t accept the idea that society and the media promote a particular type of sexuality and persuade people to adopt it. If you were up in a society where males were routinely seen wearing underwear, you might assume that it is “natural” and sexy because it is a learned behavior.
2. Investigate the reasons behind your opposition to his fetish.
What exactly about his fetish makes you feel so uneasy? Let’s imagine your partner engages in cross-dressing, and you find the whole idea repugnant since it goes against everything you hold to be “manly” and seductive. To start, ponder this: Do you think you would still find it so repulsive if society viewed men cross-dressing as the pinnacle of manhood and male sexual prowess and you grew up seeing billboards, adverts, and magazine covers with guys in women’s lingerie? The media inundates us with sexual imagery from an early age, telling us what is “hot or not.” We pick up on what is supposed to be sexy rapidly and without even understanding that we are being brainwashed. Sex appeal is a social construct that we pick up by taking in the information that society sends about what constitutes acceptable sexuality.
3. In order to enjoy his fetish with him, begin sexualizing it.
You’ll need to start fantasizing about him wearing women’s clothing if he’s a cross-dresser and you find the idea of him donning a pair of black lacy stay-ups and pink frilly knickers absolutely revolting. This will help you shift your perspective from one of “disgusting” to one of masculine and sexy. Make up your mind to find his fetish attractive.
4. Locate a sexual partner.
Discuss with your partner how you might find common sexual ground in other sexual acts and sexual play if the fetish is one you are utterly against or one that completely goes against your core values. Talk openly about your sexual preferences so that you can look for alternate, satisfying methods to have sex.
Recognize your own acceptance of your mate. Thank him for having the guts to tell you about his fetish. Can you fathom how terrifying it must have been for him to tell you such a personal thing? (And if a partner has ever learned in the past, there’s a good chance they’ve been rejected.) You won’t feel as emotionally charged about the subject that initially made you feel rather uneasy if you allow yourself to talk freely and openly about his fetish with him. Therefore, don’t try to hide it from him or yourself.
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