Welcome to Better Sex With Dr. Lexx, a monthly column in which Dr. Lexx Brown-James, a sex therapist, educator, and consultant, provides her knowledge, insight, and wisdom on sex, relationships, and other topics. She approaches sex education as a life-long activity — “from womb to tomb.”
With Spring in the air, we can already see the signs that winter is coming to an end and that everything could begin to bloom once more. With so many relationships ending in the spring, the proverb “out with the old and in with the new” takes on a physical form.
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Numerous articles address what to do after being dumped and how to move on from the experience, which is important and vital. However, there aren’t many publications that discuss how to terminate a relationship gracefully, particularly when there is still affection between the parties. Because leaving a relationship can be difficult, people who are doing so frequently experience pain as well. There are several emotions that come with breaking up with someone, including anticipation, worry, remorse, fear, and understanding that there will likely be some unpleasantness. Here are a few strategies to lessen uncomfortable moments when terminating a relationship.
Once you’ve made up your mind to break up, try to do it in person if it’s safe to do so.
If you don’t want the other person to lash out or hurt you, call them or use FaceTime to break up instead. Breaking up in person can be shocking for the other person. Please keep in mind that emails and text messages can be misunderstood if you don’t care about the consequences. The greatest way to ensure that someone comprehends exactly what you are saying and has the opportunity to inquire about the circumstances around this conclusion is through direct communication.
Be specific about why you’re terminating the relationship.
Clarify and simply explain your position without disparaging or demeaning your recently dumped partner. Since you chose to stop the relationship, you are now free to pursue any goals you have for the future. Make it obvious that quitting this connection is what you need for health, success, or progress rather than blaming or acting with moral superiority.
Be accountable for your contributions.
Own the aspects of the connection where there was room for improvement, and if there are any on-going obligations, state how you intend to fulfill them. This could relate to duties at work, paying payments, or having child custody. It is up to you to discuss your strategy for guaranteeing how those obligations will be maintained because access to them may alter if the relationship ends.
Establish clear boundaries.
There are some intimate acts that cease to occur after a relationship ends, and this will take some getting accustomed to. Make it clear in this chat if you want to discontinue daily contact, ban someone on social media, remove photos, ask for more time to return stuff, or any other of these things. Setting limits does not make you nasty or cold; rather, it helps to make clear how the connection will terminate and establishes expectations for the future.
Respect the boundaries of your recent ex-lover as well.
When ending a relationship, it is frequently obvious to the person doing it before the other person is aware of the plan and knowledge. Therefore, there can be some shock and a need for separation to get a better idea of what is actually happening. This could imply that your just dumped lover is likely reeling, hysterical, perplexed, and extremely hurt. They could require some time to consider their options, sort through inquiries, or process the breakup. If this is the case, be open-minded and sincere about the commitments you are willing to make.
Sexual initiation, close physical contact, and booty calls are not permitted.
A loss and a fear of scarcity when it comes to future successful sexual intimacy can also be expressed by ending a relationship, especially one that has been physically intimate. If you are certain that you want to terminate things, it is best to do it physically as well as in all other ways. Being physically close after exchanging so many close emotions simply adds to the confusion and makes a smart breakup more challenging.
Be prepared to lose relationships, access to society, and ties to family.
Social groups, friends, and even family members may become shared by the pair as their relationships develop. When it’s time to break up, consider who it makes sense for you to stay in touch with while keeping in mind that they might not want to do so after the breakup.
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