Love and Sex

Reasons Your Partner Has Trouble Staying Hard & How to Help

You can have a very uncomfortable sexual encounter at some time in your life: You’re ready to get physical with your partner when all of a sudden they lose their boner or they can’t get one up at all. You’re left puzzled about what to do; do you continue because you got new lacy underwear specifically for this, or should you completely call off the evening’s sexcapades? Additionally, you likely have a little voice in your head telling you that you did something wrong or that this mood change is your responsibility (even though it isn’t, duh, move on to the next topic).

These are the specific qualities that make a partner attractive to people.

Try to avoid going into panic mode if your partner is struggling to get and stay hard during sex. Erectile dysfunction, or ED for short, is the inability to maintain an erection strong enough for penetration. But here’s the thing: whether it occurs just once or again, this is a really common problem. Arousal issues affect people of all sexes, and closeness will inevitably bring up these issues. It doesn’t matter how passionately sensual your relationship is or how much you love each other if you’re having arousal problems; sometimes there’s just no lift off for a variety of reasons.

Sometimes there are actual physical factors at work.

“ED may be caused by diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, exhaustion, smoking, high cholesterol, old age, or a variety of other conditions,” says Dr. Alex Chinks, a registered clinical psychologist and sexologist with a practice in Boston. “ED may be a precursor to heart disease now or in the future. In order to rule out these factors, I always ask my ED patients when their last physical was. I have a question concerning using drugs and alcohol. For men under the age of 40, drinking is the main cause of ED. And ED can develop as an adverse reaction to any illicit or prescribed substance.

Maybe it’s all in your head.

Because people are emotional, sensitive, insecure beings, psychological causes of ED become much more intricate (yep). Your partner may have an idea in their head of how sex should feel and behave, but when reality doesn’t live up to their expectations, this can cause tension and make them go floppy physically. Various factors, including as anxiety or significant life changes, could cause your spouse to lose an erection as well. Depression in general can reduce sexual desire and raise the likelihood that erection loss will recur.

One’s sexual life is a window into their non-sexual lives, I frequently say. And as a result, if there is a lot going on, a guy may start to have ED,” says Dr. Chinks.

Alternatively, there may be a sexual dysfunction.

Our sexual response cycle normally follows the pathway of desire-arousal-excitement-orgasm, according to Dr. Chinks. Arousal is indicated by erections. Your boyfriend might not be able to enter the arousal zone if he has low desire (or libido). Sometimes you just aren’t that horny, but whatever. It never hurts to see a doctor, though, just in case there is sexual dysfunction present, to find out what’s going on.

How will ED affect your relationship in terms of its sexual and emotional aspects?

Remember that having an erection won’t make or break your sex life. Furthermore, penetration is typically not even necessary for enjoyment for those with clits. There are other ways to please yourself if you care deeply about your spouse, and sex can take many different forms. Everyone can have fun playing with a soft penis, according to marital and family therapist Brooke Norton.

“A soft penis is just that; it has nothing to do with being masculine or a good lover. Additionally, we can enjoy ourselves by using our hands, lips, and other parts of our bodies.

A similar strategy is advised by Dr. Emily Morse, Doctor of Human Sexuality and host of the Sex With Emily SiriusXM Radio show and podcast. Try taking a brief break from sexual activity. Revert to kissing, have him lie down next to you and touch your bodies, or have a snack.

There are a few things to attempt when working beyond ED if you and your partner are still completely unsure of what to do. I frequently urge people to consider the purpose of sex, adds Norton. “Does it really matter to work hard? Sharing pleasure and delight is the focus of sexual activity, not necessarily how the various body parts act. Some of us were taught that the major event of foreplay is penetration.

sexual interaction.

Instead, you can begin to think of sex as the entirety of sexual interaction. When there are so many liberating ways to express oneself sexually, there is no need to adhere to a script. A sex therapist is frequently in a position to offer advice and help with ED-related issues. A professional should pay close attention to each person’s distinctive story and the particular circumstances that led them to where they are now. I previously worked with a cis, hetero couple that placed a high priority on female penetration, so I suggested that they think about utilizing a toy for this purpose, according to Norton. It turned out that he was able to achieve an erection because he enjoyed using the device on her so much.

Overall, the best thing you can do to support your spouse is to be patient and empathetic, and to keep your cool at all times (remember, this isn’t your fault). It can seem that a partner’s erection is inextricably linked to your attractiveness and sexual prowess in our extremely patriarchal culture, but that is untrue. Try to be as understanding as you can, keeping in mind that ED can feel embarrassing and that your spouse may feel like their self-esteem is suffering as well. You will be able to build an even stronger friendship if you can discuss and resolve this.

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