Our matchmaking and advising section for sex toys on SheKnows is called Sex Toy Sommelier. Health & Sex Editor Katherine Speller is here to help SheKnows readers level-up their bedside tables, toy chests, and/or DIY sex dungeons with the tools they need to feel deeply satisfied — and give some pro-tips on how introduce some of these new toys. Whether you’re taking your first brave steps into the world of sex toys and sexual health accessories (welcome, it’s fun here!) or an old pro looking to add some new goodies
Christmas sex toys
Write to us at our hotline with your interests, goals, or needs (we’ll keep your correspondence confidential, of course), and we’ll do our best to deliver a selection of toys and sexual health items that suit your preferences. While it’s true that you can’t buy love, you can purchase orgasms, which, to be honest, can sometimes be just as good.
I firmly feel that sex is humorous. We could all stand to laugh more and take ourselves less seriously in bed and out because bodies are hilarious, odd, hot, dirty, and wonderful. However, there are many things that can ruin the mood, make us cringe, or detract from the sensual feelings, and our sex toys should definitely not be one of them.
Which leads us to this month’s question for the aesthetician:
I’ve had my fair share of sex toys over the years, but they’re all these brightly colored objects that are pink or purple and don’t feel particularly… sexy? I don’t care when it’s just me, but when I introduce a toy to my partners, I want it to feel as intense and sexy as possible. Any recommendations for me?
Pretty4Play
While I do believe that there is always value in exploring our emotions, for example, why the pink and purple brightly colored toys feel less-than-sensual in context with your spouse as opposed to by yourself, please know that I completely understand your situation. A hot pink and veiny phallus or a rubber duckie-shaped toy (it’s a thing, it’s cute and a little bit weird) may not be the toys you want to start with when introducing new toys to a new or existing partner since you want them to be as enthusiastic about the idea as you are. You want your toy to enhance the mood you’re trying to create, for your partner to view it and think of it as a collaborator and not a rival, and for it to be something that melds into the sex you’re having naturally without being awkward. It makes sense to want it.
To so many people, the word “sexy” can mean so many different things, and for some, those joyful, colorful lads represent the epitome of what it means. However, even though you can’t stop the chuckles or the less-than-ideal hiccups in any sexual encounter — and I’ll always advise to deescalate how much pressure you put on any one sexual experience! — there are many attractive toys available that have the understated, sensual design you might be yearning for.
Warm-up & Ambient Lighting
In true sex toy sommelier form, I like to include something that expands our perspectives on what we consider to be a “sex toy” while also serving as a gentle reminder that our minds are actually our most potent sex organs. (I know; I sound like a broken record. And I’m also correct.)
If you’re looking for a change in your sexual vibration, I clearly advise discussing with your partner what will attract the energy you desire. For example, you two might sit down and discuss fantasies or what might feel hot and sensuous to each of you. There’s a strong probability that this chat will allay some of your anxieties and help you feel more comfortable discussing the toys you currently own if you’re feeling self-conscious about them.
LELO Flickering Touch Massage Candle
I adore a massage-friendly candle (LELO and Maude both have fantastic ones) for these kinds of foreplay situations because they provide the flexibility of dim light and transform into a soy-based massage oil once melted for a little hands-on activity. If done correctly, this will satisfy your desire for a pleasant sexual accessory and pave the way for communication and discussions regarding future pleasure.
Stealth & Stylish Sex toy jewelry is a distinct category that answers your question: It provides all the functionality of the toy you’ve been desiring while also elevating it somewhat. Since I’ve had Crave Vesper for a while, it is without a doubt the most interesting piece of jewelry I’ve ever worn.
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Vesper by Crave
It does appear as like you are wearing a vibrator around your neck, just to be clear. only a tiny bit, say. Therefore, avoid wearing it if you intend to clutch your phony pearls when questioned about it. From a distance, though, it also resembles my sister’s preferred pendant necklace from the middle of the decade, so in terms of statement jewelry, it isn’t absurd.
However, it is a fairly lovely and straightforward statement to make. Wearing it allows you to be in that sort of sexual frame of mind, which is a nice multi-dimensional kind of foreplay on a night out. Additionally, it serves as a strong and surprisingly effective bullet feel when you want to play.
And I have a good feeling that the color options (silver, rose gold) won’t let you down or make you wince.
Favorite Sleek & Neutral Items
Finally, these toys have low-key designs, colors, and methods that won’t feel awkward to use with your partner or cause you to worry as much about ruining the mood, which can be and frequently is a self-fulfilling prophecy. These toys work and perform well for a range of bodies and situations.
We all know that certain products just work for us, whether it’s the clitoral stimulator that instantly sets us off, the handheld vibe that’s great for travel and covert play, or the penis ring that increases your or your partner(s)’ endurance. Fortunately, not all of them are fluorescent pink, hot pink, or made to look like bachelorette party favors. I’ll thus leave you with a handful that could work:
LELO Enigma
This toy has two stimulators and is not hampered by a cutesy bunny design. Enigma is strong and fulfilling, and (despite a small splash of color) you can obtain a sleek black variant that completely blends in.
LELO Tor 2
Tor 2 is a stylish and timeless investment for penises, especially for those who are new to the vibrating toy game. Even though it is somewhat expensive compared to other penis rings, its six modes, body-safe materials, and exquisite design make it a complete standout.
Maude Vibe
The sleek, gender-neutral, and body-friendly Maude’s Vibe is available in numerous stunning colors (the green and clay are both *chef’s kiss*). I wouldn’t worry about the intimidation factor while introducing it to a partner because they are as powerful as they are understated.
Next month, we’ll be back with a new Sex Toy Sommelier, so tell us your requests so we can assist you find the ideal sex toy match. Check out the 100 (yes, 100) sex toys we’ve previously suggested to pass the time in the meantime:
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