Love and Sex

This Husband Doesn’t Want to Use ‘His’ Money on His SAHM Partner & Reddit Gave Him a Reality Check

Couples are more likely to dispute about money than any other issue. Even the most loving and compassionate relationships can experience conflict when it comes to paying bills and budgeting, especially in a time of rising inflation and economic worry. However, a Redditor who claimed that “his” money shouldn’t be used to pay for his partner’s personal costs (a SAHM) received considerable backlash in r/AITA.

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According to the poster, his wife received an inheritance from her sole family that paid for them to be able to buy a house, two new cars, and put money toward both of their retirements (while also caring for their child and having a condition that makes work tough). She decided to become a stay-at-home mom when this significant family member passed away in order to be with their daughter, help her through her loss, and overcome certain work problems.

However, OP added, “Thing is, I’d rather not work and be a stay at home dad too, but I’ve been sucking it up because we still need an income to get by.” He went on to say that he had problems with his wife trying to talk to him about budgeting his income to support their shared lifestyle. specifically in supporting his wife’s interests in sewing and working out.

“I replied I don’t think I should have to spend my money on paying her hobbies and spending money if I have to work (and I’d prefer not). If she choose not to work, she can ask a friend to cut her hair for free, buy clothes from a thrift store rather than a new one, etc.

He repeated that to him, “the difference is I’m paying for them with my money,” when she tried to bring up that her inheritance (which she shared without question) undoubtedly made up for a lifetime’s worth of work and that it was unfair for him to view her hobbies and lifestyle needs as “not his responsibility” in such a cold way.

This Husband Doesn’t Want to Use ‘His’ Money on His SAHM Partner & Reddit Gave Him a Reality Check

Reddit, unsurprisingly, had some criticism for this poster. The figures in this equation just didn’t match up, as the house and cars were paid for out of her inheritance, on top of her providing childcare they would otherwise have to pay for.

“But then, as a SAHM, OP’s wife cares for their daughter 24 hours a day… She ought to start billing him for that assistance. Why should she offer free child care if he doesn’t care about her well-being? Added a different commenter. “OP, you sound more like a partner than a competitive, envious person.”

Additionally, it appears that one partner is receptive to considering finances as “their” money, as in for their shared life together striving to boost one another’s happiness and stability, and the other is viewing finances as only “mine.” And while it’s valid to maintain some semblance of financial autonomy/independence in your relationship, it’s also crucial that partners mutually contribute to their households in ways that make sense and meet their needs

If his wife hadn’t purchased them, he wouldn’t have a new house and automobile. Given that his wife gave up so much of her money, I find it hard to believe his attitude of self-centeredness. He should do the same because she viewed it as their money, not her own,” one user suggested. If I were her, I might think about evicting him from MY home, selling the car I gave him, and getting a divorce from his self-centered personality.

In the end, it sounds like there may be a conversation with a couple’s counselor to see if these two couldn’t come to an agreement about how resources might be divided most effectively.

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