Happy October, Kinks! Kinktober, which started out as a way for artists to collaborate and share their work, has transformed into a festival of everything kinky among kink communities and sexuality educators. And when kink comes into play, an awareness of the need for aftercare arises naturally.
The simplest definition of aftercare is being polite and considerate to your partner. This is particularly crucial after a power exchange, a physical or impact play, or other intense scene play. Aftercare, which occurs after the sexual play is finished, aids in getting back to a person’s regular breathing, heart rate, and mental state. It might entail anything, including drinking a glass of water, getting extra cuddles or back rubs, or even taking a shower.
Brunner/Mazel
Sexual play is desired during the desire phase, arousal increases during the excitement phase, and pleasant feelings last during the plateau period until the orgasm phase is reached. Some people never get to the so-called climax phase and instead stay in the plateau phase until they lose interest in engaging in sexual activity. The resolution stage occurs when the body returns to its usual pre-arousal state after the orgasm phase or a period of time in the plateau phase.
Following each experience.
It can be the sexiest time you’ve ever had, or it might just be a typical arousal moment. Both experiences—and really all experiences—require some kind of follow-up for each party. Everyone involved in the arousal process needs some time to detach from the sensual environment and go back to themselves. People can revert to their regulated selves through aftercare rather than relying solely on their carnal cravings, giving them an opportunity to alter their minds, emotions, and bodies. The truly awesome thing about this transition and including aftercare is that it can appear completely different for every person and even for every experience type!
The mind and body still experience the different arousal stages when there is non-kinky sexual pleasure. Aftercare is another sort of intimacy that aids in the return to baseline after going through those stages, which means the mind and body must also reset. Even though aftercare is crucial, I also want to emphasize that it doesn’t have to be time-consuming. It actually depends on the individual and may even be situation-specific.
I therefore invite you to consider what you would like as a form of aftercare after sexual experiences this Kinktober. What is desirable?
What would foster a sense of community? What is required for you to feel ready to return to the outside world and function? You can talk about this with your partner once you have your answers (which can always develop and alter). Hey, what would you like me to do to take care of you after this? or “How can I assist you in resuming your day after this enjoyable time?” It’s also a good idea to ask, “You’re going to have some bruises or potentially be sore, what can I do to help you after?”
In her monthly essay Better Sex With Dr. Lexx, Dr. Lexx Brown-James offers us knowledge, guidance, and wisdom about sex, relationships, and more. Be sure to read it! Dr. Lexx (also known as The #CouplesClinician) is your guide to the shame-free, medically correct, inclusive, and thorough talks for you, your partner, and your entire family. She approaches sex education as a life-long activity — “from womb to tomb.”
You May Also Like: