In many respects, technology has improved our lives, but when it comes to sex, it’s sometimes preferable to keep things traditional. Yes, a pair of handcuffs and some fundamental sex positions are all you need for some next-level sex.Yes, we noticed your heightened arousal when the mention of handcuffs was made. Why exactly are handcuffs so incredibly appealing? Control, or lack thereof, is a crucial element. And the fact that we punch a clock every day has a lot to do with our attraction to the entire control issue.
“Giving up power in the bedroom can be a great turn-on for people who have a day-to-day life of being continuously in control, juggling too many duties with an overflow of obligations,” says sexologist Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast. It enables individuals to release and connect with their bodies sexually while without considering anyone else’s pleasure but their own. The same holds true for someone who leads a more passive lifestyle. Being the dominating one, the one making all the decisions and directing the action is exciting.
The loaded picture of the lazy kinky missionary
How to execute: The victim lies on her back with her hands overhead and her wrists bound, according to Carol Queen, Ph.D., a staff sexologist at Good Vibrations. If the bed has legs to attach a length of rope or a chain to secure a second pair of ankle cuffs, you can step up the ante. The one in charge is speaking most likely indecently.
The reason it feels so nice, according to her, is because of the full-body contact and closeness of the face-to-face intimacy. This maintains their significance and gives them a hint of power play. Bound and with hands over head, she is more likely to feel ravished because the breasts are exposed. The immobility and ravishment of bondage are typically a component of its appeal for those who enjoy it. The “bottom” is there for the taking, very literally, and the “top” gets the wonderful feeling of power.
queening in servitude
The submissive partner is on the bottom in this position, and that’s how you do it. She must be careful not to put her weight on the man’s arms when settling in to be enjoyed because “queening” is also known as “sitting on his face.” In this oral sex position, the man has his wrists bound above his head while the lady enjoys delicious licks. According to Queen, this might also be adjusted to entail bottom-cuffed woman-on-top sexual contact.
Why it is so pleasant: “A good view of a woman on top is one thing the Fifty Shades of Grey reader doesn’t really comprehend,” she claims. “Queening” is a great tease position where the top person nearly lowers themselves onto the bottom person but doesn’t quite make contact… ’til their partner begs!”
Knees with Hands Behind
How to do it: “Lie down on the bed or floor with your belly down. Reach back for your feet while raising your legs. Assemble the handcuffs around your wrists so that they hang behind your ankles, advises clinical sexologist Kat Van Kirk, a qualified marriage and family therapist.
The reason it feels so amazing is because you can bend open in this posture, giving you great access to your labia, clitoris, and mons pubis. As a result, the pelvis receives a wonderful and energizing stretch that expands the hip flexor muscles and flexes the glutes.
Standing Only
How to accomplish it: Morse advises looking for a place where you can handcuff your partner’s arms while standing up, such as a towel rod or a hook against the wall. “Tell them not to move after you have both hands bound above their head. If you say it in a severe voice and use handcuffs to force the arms back, they will know that they will be held in place for a while. It’s very fine to initially feel uneasy about some of the language and behaviors, but simply go with it. Although sex isn’t supposed to be perfect, when you push your sexual boundaries, it does get better (to a certain point). It is up to the dominant to start teasing and shocking when both hands are restrained. Since you’re in charge, tie the arms, put on the blindfold, and experiment with various feelings.
Try kissing your lover on the lips next, sliding slowly down, stopping to nibble and tickle the nipples along the way.
Engage in vocal conversation, but keep exploring; you’ll come back to it eventually. Play with your partner’s senses: Wet kisses, ice cubes, and warm oil from a massage candle will all heighten their desire, says Morse. “If they’re blindfolded, they won’t be able to predict which sensation will come next, which will make it more enigmatic and hotter. This session will terminate when you or your partner decide that they simply must have sex with you right away.
Why it feels so good: She explains that it’s enjoyable for both of you since you may give and receive on your terms. The roles become even more obvious and the performance becomes even more provocative when the scenario is played up with handcuffs.
What kind of handcuffs should I purchase? Bonus handcuff sex advice
Technically, any handcuffs will do (even a scarf tied loosely can work as a temporary cuff!). However, be aware that some handcuffs may result in nerve injury, advises Queen. The metal of the heavy-duty, locking, police-grade handcuffs might be deadly if you’re struggling against them. Cheap handcuffs that don’t lock can continue to ratchet and clamp down on your wrists. Consider purchasing cuffs designed specifically for use during sex if you’re concerned about those scenarios. Materials made of leather or fabric that buckle or tie are always good for being able to troubleshoot how tight they get. If you’re still a novice, go for some stretchy and more about the illusion than actual restraints (check Lovehoney’s Quickie Cuffs or Unbound’s Cuffies, as an example).
We’ve also gathered together a few more adorable and cozy sets of sex cuffs that are perfect for both new and seasoned players.
The thought of being restrained makes me feel a little uneasy. How can I ensure that my partner and I are both secure?
First, avoid engaging in bondage with someone you don’t know well or trust, and decide on a secure word before hand. When it’s time to stop, the safe word pulls them out of the fantasy setting and clearly expresses real requirements, according to Queen. “A safe word — any word besides ‘no’ or’stop,’ really — allows the bottom person to be in character if she wishes,” she explains.
To communicate with your partner what is appropriate, what you might want to halt and discuss or move slowly with, and what is inappropriate, you can also utilize the stoplight method (red, yellow, and green). This is a fantastic method to establish limits, gauge comfort levels, and maintain communication.
Second: Make sure the surface they are lying on and the object you are cuffing them to are stable. Make sure they won’t fall off the side of the sofa (or billionaire’s office desk) or be pushed back into the bed with their hands tied behind their back, she advises, even if you don’t chain them to a piece of furniture like a chair or headboard.
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